Through love to know yourself
Through love to know yourself
Most people are in love after they began to learn such as How to love, and even through love before they began to know themselves, see the love in the show of another self. However, in love, we may show what faces? How can you see yourself from love? let us together to uncover their mystery in love, from the magic of love, see their own prototype it! The following is the "love" of the mirror, divided into the occurrence of love, the type of love, and both.
History and other three mirrors, mainly to explore how they enter the romance? How is love budding? Again, yes. What kind of type does your romance view? Does he / she really like it or love? Finally, it is into love. After the relationship, watch yourself how to maintain and operate? By the face of their own love in the way, and more into the Step to know yourself.
Why "my heart only you / you, without him / her?"
However, among the mortal beings, why will a person "a soft spot"? The lights are falling at the point of people. How can the heart of the ripples? How does romance happen and grow? What are the factors that lead us. Love some people, only with the special people fall in love it? Social psychologists point out that in interpersonal relationships or love, The two are the magnetic field of suction, mostly with the following factors, including: personal feelings of the affinity.
The degree of attraction of space and time, the attraction of appearance or ability, the similarity of each other, the complementarity of demand, the outside world of the obstacles, as well as the other side of their favorite or to respond to others like us and so on. Combined with the theory of psychology, will be the occurrence of love, the following summary and elaboration.
David C. McClelland, a professor at Harvard University in the United States, desire to establish friendly and intimate relationships, and the desire to be loved and accepted by others; The Americans author of the psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908 ~ 1970), in the demand for advocacy. In the Need-hierarchy theory, the need for love and affiliation is also mentioned. Human beings yearn for love, love is a kind of intimacy of the desire to meet.
The short distance from the space, but also improve mutual understanding and contact with the frequency and familiarity, so that students living space near two people, usually easier to like each other. So there are many college students love from classmates, roommates and the beginning of the so-called "the course of time", "near the water station first month" is the best portrayal. Because of
Time and space closer, to give each other immediate feedback, share feelings, and contribute to the promotion of emotion, another. It is the mere exposure effect that indicates that after repeated contact with a particular person,Gradually will increase the positive evaluation of each other and goodwill; on the contrary, the distance from the less chance of contact, so that the double reverse, there are differences in personality, get along with the possible misunderstanding and disputes, and can not germinate, but the other kind of situation, is one of the "not similar", So that the other side needs, their own lack, and more able to have their own fatal attraction.
"Attractiveness of appearance"
In the psychological experiments found that people generally attractive to the appearance of a higher evaluation, easy to handsome or beautiful appearance has a positive stereotype, resulting in the so-called "appearance association" advocate, that looks beautiful. People, personality or other aspects must also be good, and even erase or rationalize the bad place. Such a myth, Especially prone to the initial stage of communication or just met soon.
"Romeo and Juliet plot - outside the barrier"
Shakespeare's original "Romeo and Juliet", described in the dance at first sight, private life for the two, but it is the family of two feuds, under the tide of opposition, with death to express their faithful love. Its like a rebellious mind, and when we are faced with a threat that we can not get or lose, we will be more eager to, and to redouble their efforts. Psychologists have found that there is a "Romeo and Julietian effect" in love, Especially the parents, the more strongly opposed to the love of two people, they are in the eyes of each other with a greater Attractive, so the two sides can feel the strong love for each other.
"Love people who love us"
In general, there are many people think that lovers most need to have three important conditions are: warm and kind, good relationship, accept and respond to your feelings. Get along with someone, if you feel that the other party loves yourself and is accepted and the feeling of appreciation will improve their self-esteem, and thus prefer each other; the other hand, if the other party does not like their own, It will be denied, and there is a bad feeling of rejection, even if this person is more attractive, his attraction will greatly reduced.
Second mirror: unlock the love password.
Word, do the world of men and women of love and desire to seek. Many students after entering the university, often longing to be able to talk about a unforgettable love, but in the end we know how much love? Really know what is love? They belong to what type of love, let us together to watch the crystal ball in the country, find out own state of true love password it! Sternberg (1986) divides the composition of love into the following three main elements and can be plotted as follows (Love three elements): (1) passion (passion): refers to the relationship between the two exciting parts, including a strong attraction, More awareness, more contact with each other, but also contains a romantic feeling, the appearance of the attraction, the body's intimacy, for example: "just to see him / her will make me excited, especially like to contact with him / her body, Be full of fantasy about him / her; (2) intimacy (intimacy): means between the two because of communication, interaction, heart and heart exchange, each other. Profound knowledge of the close, link, know each other, trust, security, mutual feelings, Such as: "get each other a lot of spiritual support, by understanding, relying on each other, feel comfortable close"; (3) commitment is to begin to decide to love a person, and long-term with each other will and decide, will be responsible for each other's relations, face the future, willing to sacrifice, dedication, business love. For example: "Expect yourself to love for his / her life forever, and always have a strong sense of responsibility for him / her, can not imagine with him / she will end the relationship. Through Sternberg's three-element theory of love, we can be more solution of their own love content, from the view of their own or lack of love elements, and further see their own, showing the romance style.
What kind of type does my romance belong to?
from Sternberg's three elements of love, look at me the pattern of love. Love type is through the intimacy, passion and commitment of the three elements of the different combinations, and showing the following eight, The same type of emotion:
(1) no love: three elements are not, most of the heterosexual interpersonal relationship belongs to this.
(2) like: only "intimate" elements, communicate with each other, interact and contact, belong to the relationship between friends.
(3) obsession: only the "passion" elements, such as: love at first sight, first love, crush, feelings of love and so on.
(4) empty love: only the "commitment" elements, such as: the life of the parents of the marriage, the same bed dream Husband and wife.
(5) companion love (Companionate love): "intimate" and "commitment" combination; is profound marathon friends, Platonic love, or have receded the passion, faithful to the old lady wife; love slogan "by Over the wind and waves, we are still the best partner. "
(6) Romantic love (Romantic love): "intimate" and "passion" combination; do not want or can not pay commitment, exclusive and exclusive; love slogan "do not care forever, only care about once
(7) love of love (Sexual love): "passion" and "commitment" combination; no intimate relationship as the basis, For example: lightning marriage, married the lives of children married; love slogan "You give me a night, I give you a lifetime."
(8) love of love (Altruistic love): "passion + intimate + commitment" three are; love history
Asymptotic development, is the eternal love of the necessary conditions. Love slogan: "Your love is strong, wins died; the water can not be extinguished, can not be submerged. "
Sternberg emphasizes that the complete love needs to have both elements, lack of any element is not perfect love. Love, do not know your current emotional state or imagination in the romance, which is the state? Let us unite to check their own love type!
Is "love" or "love"?
Varies from person to person, some people love to take the romantic passion, blushing heart line, and some people yearn for long water of the friendship with love. Many people in the boudoir close friend or men's talk between the occasion, often referred to their own eyebrows, moving objects, but also often fall into the "love" and "like" the confusion. In the process of interpersonal experience, "like" is a very important factor, is a feeling, also an appreciation, is inclined to selfish, more focused on the relationship of respect, attract and emotional exchange and sharing.
There is no strong dependency exists, more like a friendship; and "love (love)" and friendship is different, and like to be different, is a "Shi" and "by" the sweet feelings, including caring, attachment,
Trust (trust) three important elements (Lin Huiying, 1995; Rubin, 1970).
In the interpersonal attraction process, the feeling of him / her, is like or love? Did you distinguish it?
Whether you are tasting the taste of love, you can choose an object, try to follow their own situation or ideas.
The third mirror: love the irrigation
How many infatuated seeds of affection and dedication and loyalty; Tang Dynasty Du Fu's "beauty" poem "but see new people laugh, that heard the old people cry? And how many crazy men and sorrows of the joys and sorrows and feelings of love and death, we can see that love is not only people drinking water, cold and warm self-knowledge, and there are different scripts to start, the process and the end or flowering results.
In the world of love, some people can "clothes gradually wide end does not regret, for the Iraqi people were haggard", But some people are weak water three thousand, do not want to take only a drink, uphold the "people Not romantic in vain juvenile "," where the world where no grass ", when a passionate love or enjoy the blessing of the heart of the big radish; Some people will be like the old is greener, see different thinking, only to stay "this situation can be memorized, but at that time has been frustrated"regret. These are all kinds of feelings of sexual intercourse, also show that everyone has their own love philosophy and behavior patterns. However, "love by intuition, get along by repair". Love is like potting, need both water and nutrient irrigation. Irrigation and nourishment, and each pot of nutrients required are not the same, can absorb the water is not necessarily consistent; another, Everyone wants to give or give each pot of irrigation and fertilization methods are not the same, accompanied by the time around distance, pruning foliage and deodorization to the degree of grass varies. These irrigation love potted way, like a mirror, reflecting our own situation and the impact.
In college, it may be due to participation in the community or activities, classes, competitions, networking, matchmaking, letters or Telephone, MSN or BBS and other network contacts and contacts, and have to get to know each other, the opportunity to learn music. We have nothing on the choice of objects, the attraction of relations, the pulling of power status, the interaction mode, the management of time and space adaptation, intimate behavior, the face of conflict and drop processing methods, language communication, etc., each have their own art, Each have their own characteristics.
The reason why everyone in the love of magic mirror have different effects, in fact, by their own character, role gender and attitude, gender values, living habits, communication and conflict in response to practices, values, native family.
The inheritance or residue, social and cultural catalysis, physical and mental conditions, and so on, intertwined with each other. If you encounter another an individual, whether it is complementary or similar to their own people, may be able to stimulate the spark, and gradually can cultivate another Plant pots, but also because of this encounter, so that we can take this to have the opportunity to understand and explore, see in the Romance show another for me. Because love is built by two people, often because of their own ideas, behavior habits, growth background of the different, and may conflict and friction, if they can be properly adapted to each other, due to appropriate, intimate relationship. More able to continue; otherwise, if not inclusive and adjusted, that may face the breakdown or termination of the relationship.
These courses will be due to each other's adjustment situation, there will be different length of the duration and recovery time, this time, family, friends and relatives, teachers elders, colleagues, classmates and professional staff to provide the support and support for the physical and mental healing will have a lot of help.
Many people in the gender relations will become particularly vulnerable and sensitive, the failure of love business, self blaming, self-blame and self-doubt. In fact, regardless of the relationship between the termination of what form, or who should take the initiative. Put forward, are not on behalf of their own failure and bad, or have to bear all the responsibility, but because the concept of background the same two people in the grinding process after the two missing angle is more difficult to synthesize the beautiful round, perhaps the need to wait another missing angle.
Therefore, please do not just a few times the end of love, or the relationship between the departure, and to their own brand is not appropriate of the label, such as: take the initiative to break up the bad guys, was broken up is a loser or lack of charm, love, that I am poor ... and so on, these are more unhealthy ideas. Because sometimes it is often "right", Or "wrong person", or "wrong time, meet the right person" of the yin and yang, it is possible that the other side, do not know how to see good, like every flower has its own potted plants, the need for appropriate cultivation and irrigation, In order to bloom out of the romantic color. In fact, no matter what the ups and downs in love, through the taste of each taste, but also more able to appreciate their favorite and love with the image. and share, is willing to "the world has lovers get married" in the journey of life have the opportunity to choose what you love, love what you belong to. With the view of each side of your unique love magic mirror, more to further understand themselves, but also cherish the love of each other, let us care each other. Thank you for reading, if there is you want to know please write down bellow.
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^ Byrne, D., London, O. and Reeves K. (1968). The Effects of Physical Attractiveness, Sex, and Attitude Similarity on Interpersonal Attraction. Journal of Personality, 36 (2), 259-271. Rubin, Zick. (1970). Measurement of Romantic Love. Journal of Personality And Social Psychology, 16, 265-273.
^ Sternberg, Robert J. (1986). A triangular theory of love Review, 93 (2), 119-135.
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